apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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