my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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