Im at strip club and am horny
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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