He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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