He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
