she looked like the bat from fern gully.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
