I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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