he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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