So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
