Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
