There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
