cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
