Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
