mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize