Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
