I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
