What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize