Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
