my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
