the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Houston, we have a blender
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
