you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
