When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
