dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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