moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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