you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Still dying that you shit outside
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
