he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
