We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
