she takes plan B like it's going out of style
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
