before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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