Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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