When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
