Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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