I queefed so loud it echoed.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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