Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
