whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
