Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
