Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
