i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
