I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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