Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
