Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
