Sponge bath it is.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
