pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
