Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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