Don't you send me to vm
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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