i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
