just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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