just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
