He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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