why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
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