I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
