maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
