even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Is it penis luge time yet?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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