and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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