dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
