4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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