how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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