I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize