Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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