yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
