I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
