he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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