Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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