my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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