her vagine was all disorganized.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
His nipple licking is glorious
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