he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
